Never Let It Fade Away
by Rose Thorne
Summary: Ladybug notices Chat seems withdrawn in the weeks following Miracle Queen, and they have a much-needed talk. Directly connected to "Catch a Falling Star," 4th in the series.


**Never Let It Fade Away**

by Rose Thorne

Disclaimer: Don't own _Miraculous Ladybug_ or make any money writing fanfiction.

* * *

She was embarrassed to admit how long it took her to notice Chat seemed withdrawn, even pensive. Everything had happened all at once—the expulsion, giving up on Adrien, Miracle Queen, the loss of Fu… Chat was her _partner_ and she'd failed to even think about him.

The realization hit her on patrol one night; it felt like he was looking through her, his smile similar to Adrien's model smile in its falseness.

"Chat, are you doing okay?" she asked when they reached the Eiffel Tower, their last stop of the night.

He started, looking at her wide-eyed for a moment.

"A lot has happened," she continued, "and I've been so focused on the changes, I haven't checked to see how you're doing. You seem… withdrawn."

He looked away, up at the stars winking above them, partly drowned out by the light pollution of the city. The sigh he let out was almost resigned.

"I've… been thinking a lot," he said after nearly thirty seconds of uncomfortable silence had passed between them. "A while back, I had a conversation with Marinette Dupain-Cheng; you know her, right?"

Ladybug nodded, feeling awkward to have him talk about her true self like that.

"I saw her crying on her balcony, stopped to check on her. She was going through some things at school. And one of the things she mentioned was a friend being sexually harassed."

Her mouth went dry at that; his body language, hunched in slightly, his faux tail curled around his leg… She wasn't sure where he was going with this. Had he been harassed? As Chat? As his civilian self? Was he hurt?

"I… after what that one Félix kid pulled—the one you punched?—I just…"

He looked up then, and she was startled to see tears in his eyes.

"I've harassed you. And I am so _so_ sorry I put you through that. I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable, and if you want to punch me too, I know I deserve it."

Her mind whirled, relief at the fact that he wasn't a victim, shock at his belief he'd victimized her. She'd been irritated with his flirting, sure, but she'd never considered it _sexual harassment_.

When she reached forward, he flinched slightly, as though expecting that punch. Instead she grasped his shoulder.

"Chat, I punched him because he tried to kiss me and I didn't trust him to stop when I told him no. You've always given me time to say no, and you've always respected my answer. You've never tried to force yourself on me. I _trust_ you."

His body tremored under her hand.

"I looked up sexual harassment, though," he said. "And I kept asking, kept bothering you to go out on a date, kept flirting when you when you said to stop, and I keep making you say no when once should be enough. I'm _horrible_."

"No, you're not. Don't talk about my partner that way."

She sighed softly when he looked away.

"You… Look, I've been irritated at times. Like when you do it while we're fighting Akumas. And, well, it's hard. You're one of my best friends, and I know how you feel, and I _wish_ I felt the same. But I've never felt sexually harassed by you. _Ever_."

Chat glanced up again, his gaze uncertain. "Really?"

"Really. I won't deny that it sucks to have to turn you down, because I hate hurting you. I do love you, just not like how you want me to." She squeezed his shoulder. "I want you to be _happy_, Chaton. And I worry that being stuck on me, you'll miss out on someone wonderful."

He quirked a wry smile, the meaning obvious.

Ladybug sighed softly. "I'm not as wonderful as you think I am, you know. I'm a mess, especially outside the mask. But your friendship has meant so much to me; I'd be a much bigger mess in the mask if not for you."

She was glad to see his smile turn more genuine at that.

"Until this year, I didn't really have friends," she continued. "I was actually bullied pretty badly. And I almost quit being Ladybug in the beginning. I would have, if not for you. You, and this, helped me gain confidence."

"I didn't have friends until this year, either." There was wonderment in Chat's voice at finding they had this in common. "I don't have a lot of social experience. It's really made it hard to make friends—and you were one of my first real ones, too. My only friend before that was… well, she's pretty awful. I used to watch movies and TV and imagine I was friends with the characters."

Though that information was new, Ladybug also wasn't surprised.

"That's where you got your ideas about romance, isn't it?"

At his nod, she sighed again. She gestured at the beam they were standing on, and was glad when Chat took a seat, letting one of his legs hang over. She sat beside him, crossing her legs, getting comfortable.

"Chat, so many of the relationships portrayed in TV and movies are super toxic or even abusive."

His ears flicked back, and he looked chagrined. "Yeah, I learned that when I was looking up sexual harassment."

It had clearly been an upsetting realization for him. Probably it had really challenged what he thought he knew about the world.

"It's not really your fault," she told him. "A lot of people our age don't know. We're young and we live in a society that normalizes that stuff. I've been… not great myself at it. I've engaged in toxic behavior myself. Toward the person I had a crush on."

"You did? But you're so professional, LB."

His surprise made her wince.

"Yeah, but I'm human, too. And we're both, what? Fourteen? Fifteen? I've done things I'm not proud of. Like stalkery things, a lot worse than what you've done flirting with me. And I ultimately decided I needed to let my crush go."

Chat's mouth opened, then closed. "Why?" he finally asked.

That was a complicated question to answer.

"Well, who's to say I wouldn't be just as toxic in a relationship with him, for one," she said softly. "But also… I've been through a lot in my real life lately. And the crush started to fade as a result. A friend was growing closer to him so… I let him go. I don't even know if I'm ready for a romantic relationship at all right now. Things as a civilian are difficult right now. And maybe I need time to figure myself out first, you know?"

After a short pause, Chat nodded. "I understand. A friend… In my life, a friend of mine has expressed interest in dating me. And I'm just not sure. I don't know if I feel that way about her, and I'm afraid of hurting her. And…" He glanced at her. "Well, you're not wrong. I've been holding out for you, which hasn't been fair to you."

"To either of us," Ladybug amended. "Chat, you're one of my first friends, my most important friend, my partner. I'm an only child, and it's like through you I've gained a brother." She quirked a smile. "A dorky, pun-loving little brother."

He laughed. "Hey, maybe I'm older than you! You don't know!"

"You _act_ younger, so my headcanon has you as the little brother," she retorted with a giggle.

It was nice to see him laugh. Hangdog looks had no place on a cat. But Ladybug knew there was more that needed to be said, that they needed to get out. None of this was easy, but she'd learned that the necessary conversations rarely were. She was glad it wasn't a school night, that they had time for it.

"Sometimes… I was worried you didn't want to be my friend," she confessed. "Because you wanted more. And I'm not really good with self-confidence."

"No…" The look on Chat's face was one of horror. "I absolutely value your friendship, and I'm _so_ glad I met you. It's…" He looked down for a moment. "This is dumb, but I like this trope in movies and shows and anime, the friends to lovers one?"

He seemed to be struggling for words, but Ladybug knew the one he was talking about.

"Oh, so like superhero partners and friends, like the idea of destiny sort of thing?"

"Yeah, that. Dumb, right?"

She shoved his shoulder with her fist, a fake punch, much different from the one Félix had gotten—and for good reason, as Chat was nothing like that horrible brat.

"Maybe a little, but only because real life is way different from that, you ridiculous weeaboo."

Chat actually giggle-snorted, sending Ladybug into a giggle-fit that left her wheezing.

When they had recovered, Chat offered a sad smile.

"You know, I wonder if I'm in love with ideas more than anything," he said softly. "Like… this isn't how I act in real life. I'd share more, but identity stuff. I'm able to be _me_ as Chat more than anywhere else. And I guess I'm scared people in my real life love the idea of me instead of who I am. But I've been doing that to you, too, haven't I?"

She smiled back. "Probably. As I said, I'm a total spacey mess in my real life. Can't share more, same reason. And I think I did that to the boy I liked, too. So you're not alone there, either."

"We're both messes, LB. We can be messes together. In, you know, a platonic way."

"Thanks, _minou_."

They sat in companionable silence for a while. Eventually, she lay back on the beam to stargaze, and he mirrored her movement from the other side, until their heads were beside each other.

"Do you really hate it when I call you Bugaboo? And m'lady?" he finally asked.

Ladybug hesitated for a moment. "Well, hate is a strong word… Friends make up nicknames for each other, after all. It just felt like you were calling me those like as a potential girlfriend."

"Well… kind of. But more because they're pretty awesome puns on Ladybug."

She turned and stared at him. He was smirking.

"You know how much I love those, right?"

"Oh my god you are an _idiot_."

"But I'm _your_ idiot little brother."

Ladybug groaned, almost sorry she mentioned that. But at the same time, it seemed they could turn over a new leaf, create the partnership and friendship they both needed.

"Thanks for checking in on me, Bugs. I don't think I'd have ever gotten the courage to apologize otherwise."

She snorted at the new nickname, reaching up to awkwardly ruffle his hair. She was rewarded with a purr.

"No problem, _mon petit frérot_ _._ We both needed to talk."

She relaxed, watching the moon slice across the stars as time passed them by, relieved that at least this part of her life was in the process of being healed.

* * *

Been meaning to write this for a while, as a follow-up to the conversation between Chat and Marinette in "Catch a Falling Star." This conversation is what Kagami was referencing in "Love Language," though she doesn't know everything about it.

No, there's not Adrienette or Ladynoir endgame in this fic series, but Marigami/Kagaminette. There may be more one-shots between this one and "Love Language" that pop up to show the movement toward that.


End file.
